


The Truth of The Matter

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Cas has had enough, Cas needs love, Castiel in the Bunker, Crying, Dean Loves Cas, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Making things right, Men Crying, Praise Kink, Revelations, Sam Winchester-centric, Season 11, Stop Hurting Cas 2k16, Trauma, castiel - Freeform, come on Supernatural writers you fuckers, season 11 episode 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5782672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR SEASON 11 Episode 10!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>Cas has been abused and used for years now, after surviving saying 'yes' to Lucifer, he's finally had enough and let's our boys have it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I did something similar like this with the Darkness and a response to the SEASON premiere trailer. So I’m gonna do some another ‘this is what I hope happens’ thing since the writers feel the need to punt our hearts around like freaking kumquats….I don’t know…first fruit I thought of. And this is for Crowley’sMooseSquirrelsAngel as well because she’s feeling the feels as bad as I am. So here I go, making a oneshot of ‘Lucifer has been shot out of Cas’ poor already abused body and we get to deal with the aftermath’ That and I think Sam and Dean have a LOT to apologize for and I will illustrate that in this piece. So I’m hoping (praying) the writers are going somewhere with this whole idea that Cas hates himself and more or less gives himself up to Lucifer just because he doesn’t think he’s worth anything and if he does he’ll be ‘worth’ something in the other stupid angels’ eyes or even Dean and Sam’. Okay, rant over, geebus. PLEASE REVIEW!

Dean would not admit it out loud, at least to anybody but himself, that he had fucked up. Him and Sam both. They’d gotten themselves in yet another huge dilemma and Cas had intervened and saved their asses. For the thousandth time. That was the first fuck up. Second. How he had not noticed right away that something was wrong with Cas was beyond even his own comprehension. He should have known as soon as they stepped out of Hell. Cas had been off as soon as they had left that warehouse, eyes cold, and his whole demeanor was anything BUT Cas. No goofy relieved smile that they had escaped reasonably unscathed, no scolding that Sam and Dean had done something so stupid, no sparkling eyes, even the depths of their indigo blue were dampened it seemed. And after that it was nothing but a shit storm. Expelling the devil once the Darkness was defeated proved to be trouble enough. With any other time Sam and Dean would take it as a win, have a beer, celebrate and take a sigh of relief until the next big bad. Just like always.

Any other time.

Except this time.

Because Cas wasn’t exactly the same Cas anymore. And he wouldn’t talk about it either, he turned inward so far he felt unreachable. This was even worse than when he wouldn’t leave the bunker. Dean was usually keen to stay away from convos that involved feelings, but something was so very wrong that he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Sam agreed that they both talk to him.

It had been two days.

Dean found him in the bunker’s living room, curled up on the couch, curiously devoid of trench coat and suit jacket and shoes. His feet tucked beneath him, hands resting loosely in his lap and his eyes on the floor. In Sam and Dean’s eyes he might as well have been naked. So uncharacteristic of his usual behavior, and after the last few weeks it sent a trill of fear in Dean’s gut.

“Cas?”

No response.

“Cas, buddy, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he muttered.

“Nope, that ain’t gonna fly, you haven’t been ‘fine’ since we pulled you back.”

His blue eyes narrowed in almost something that resembled a scowl, “Oh, now why wouldn’t I be ‘fine’ Dean. And why do you care anyway? I did your job for you, I fixed everything as per usual. Is there something else you need? Something else you require?”

Whoa. Okay, he didn’t expect that, “Are you mad at me?”

Cas’ eyes watered over, his gaze fell away and hit the floor again, “You only need me when you deem me useful...the rest of the time I am nothing to you.”

“What?!” Dean tried not to yell.

“I’m expendable, am I not?”

Dean’s eyes blew wide, “Where would you get an idea like that?!”

“A fellow angel put it quite frankly, before I said yes to Lucifer. That everyone, including you and Sam, used me because it mattered not if I died. Amara didn’t even see fit to kill said I wasn’t even worth the time. Used me as messenger for you all. The angels believe it so and you do as well.”

“Cas,”

“This is what defines our relationship, I am always there for you, always! And you’ve never, not once, asked me what was going on! I couldn’t leave the bunker, did that seem like my usual behavior? Or what Metatron had told me, you never asked, you simply scolded me like some stupid child! That is what I am to you! Even if I feel more strongly for you than any other being on this retched planet! I care so deeply for you that I would do anything! I receive nothing in return!”

Another revelation and it made Dean’s heart skip a beat.

Mouth hanging open he looked to Sam who didn’t look shocked as Dean felt, his head was hung low and his eyes had gone fever bright. Dean forced words off his tongue, “Cas, no, no, no, it’s not like that at all, I swear,”

His fists clenched in the material of his pants, “I’ll never be enough for you, _just_ me, no power, no good deeds…I’m broken and everyone can see that, everyone HAS seen it even and I had actually convinced myself that I was worthy. Worthy to get my grace returned to me, worthy of surviving both the Darkness and Lucifer, but Metatron was right I’m just a tool! A stupid, naïve and broken tool! And you two have used me! Done nothing but use me!!! I won’t take it anymore! I won’t! I can’t! Can’t do it anymore!”

Cas didn’t realize how harshly he was crying until he was suddenly in Dean’s embrace, his arms wrapped tightly around Castiel’s back, one hand bracing against the small of his back that was far too intimate to simply be ‘friendly’ the other was cupping the base of his skull. The two said nothing for a few silent moments, only soft hushing coming from Dean’s lips and soon enough he was stroking the short hairs at the nape of his neck, “Cas, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize, I mean I didn’t know.”

Cas stiffened, wrenching away, “Why didn’t you ask me?!”

“We’re so sorry Cas,” Sam piped up, and he looked close to tears.

“I-I didn’t think to Cas, I guess I always figure, if there’s a problem you’ll talk to me.”

More tears fell from Cas’ eyes, he desperately tried to control the hitching in his chest, “No one cares if you’re broken, Cas” he trembled which caused Dean’s gaze to drop, “Your words, what makes you think that I would be the one to seek you out? I ask you if you’re alright, and Sam. My concern has always been your wellbeing, not the mission at hand. And I mean since I fell. I believe I have more than redeemed my shortcomings. A-And I’ve done everything you asked…I said yes, to spare Sam pain…a-and you didn’t…you two never…”

“Cas,” Dean finally interrupted, taking his face in both hands, “Look at me,”

And reluctantly Cas did, his control waning as he looked into the green eyes he’d grown to love, whether Dean knew it or not. Of course he didn’t know it, why the fuck would he know Cas loved him when he could barely see that Lucifer had taken control? This made him start to sob in earnest once more, he’d had enough. Finally, and it took years and years for this to happen. How had he kept it bottled up like this, for so long? Sure he’d had his moments, they all had, but this was different.

“I fucked up Cas,” Dean’s voice was unsteady as well, absolutely horrified to see his friend so obviously broken and in need of help, “I fucked up big time, and it ain’t the first time that’s for damn sure.”

“Me too Cas,” Sam said quietly, he had slowly moved from his spot and sat on the armrest next to Cas who was still partially in Dean’s arms. But that didn’t stop him from placing a tentative hand on Cas’ shoulder, “I know it’s not enough, but…I-we, should have talked to you, way before any of this. Way before the mark, the darkness…and Lucifer…it shouldn’t have gotten this far. I saw something was wrong but I didn’t act, I didn’t say anything…”

“Unfortunately I’m dumber than Sammy here,” one hand was still on Cas’ face, wiping away seemingly endless stream of tears and this close he could see the lines in Cas’ face, around his eyes and mouth, “I should have known better than that…and I’m talking being stupid for a fucking long time, not just the last few weeks. God Cas, I’m so sorry.” He pulled him back into his arms, tighter this time, hoping that Cas would reciprocate of which thankfully he did, slowly but surely. Soon Cas’ face was buried in the crook of Dean’s neck and Dean was sure at some point Cas was going to cry himself to sleep. Because the magnitude of his cries sounded painful and exhausting.

Sam inhaled shakily, he moved his hand to Cas’ back and rubbed circles, wishing he could do more but felt that this seemed like Dean’s job. The physical comfort that was. With that Dean looked up at his brother, his face lined with pain, he nodded a non-verbal _I’ve got this._

With one look Sam quietly exited the room.

They sat for the longest time, Dean just holding Cas close until he was completely out of energy to cry anymore. He ran both hands soothingly, or at least he hoped it was soothing, up and down the expanse of his back to ease the hiccups of lost control. Dean didn’t know how much time had passed, probably a good ten minutes before he felt confident enough to pull Cas away. And he was repeating his earlier actions of swiping away tears, this time with both thumbs, “Feel a little better?”

Cas almost nodded, but then thought better and shook his head, “I don’t know when I’ll ever ‘feel better’. Everything they said is true, that’s why I said yes to Lucifer…”

“None of that shit is true,” Dean reacquired his gruff, stern tone, “That is not you, you’re just working through some shit and Sammy and I being thoughtless assholes only made it worse. That’s what family is supposed to be for and we failed big time. If you had gone past helping that would have been our fault, no doubt about that. But you’re not past help, you kicked us in the ass like you should have forever ago, fuck, years even. We fucked up,”

“Y-You,” Cas swallowed, “ _You_ fucking up hurts more.”

Dean flinched, he couldn’t help it, “I know Cas, I know I did.”

“Do you even know why that is?” Cas straightened up, now that it had all come out in one fellow swoop he was feeling an odd new sense of confidence that he hadn’t felt in years.

Dean was almost afraid to answer, since he was so good with words he could easily make this worse, “I-I don’t know…cause I’m supposed to be your best friend…and I…”

“That and more,” Cas answered, voice still not smooth, “I understand…that I caring for you in a way that you are not accustomed is my fault. That perhaps, because of what I am, what I’ve done…” his eyes lowered once more, “If you saw me as something to use…that you’d never return my affections. And how could you? If the angels don’t see me as worthy, then how could you?”

“You don’t think I care about you as much as you care about me?”

Cas jumped slightly when Dean took his hand, thumb caressing the pulse spot but Cas managed to keep talking, “I don’t expect you to see me as anything more than comrades, but even then,” he took another deep breath and steadied his gaze with Dean’s even though his heart was thumping madly, “Never mind, I don’t know why I should ever think that you value me more than that…all I ever asked for though was respect, I was stupid to ever think that…”

And it was both intention to make his words more concrete and impulse that made Dean take Cas’ face in his hands again and guide Cas’ mouth to his, stopping anymore words of worthlessness or worthiness to pass his lips. Cas made a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob. And then utterly melted against Dean as if they’d been doing this forever. For a small and brief moment nothing in the world existed, all the pain, harsh words, and violence towards one another disappeared. Dean didn’t separate them, simply moved the kiss to the corner of his plump mouth, his cheek, the spot below his ear and then his neck where he stayed.

Cas tried to stay his trembling as Dean’s hot breath against his throat lingered, “I’m so sorry Cas.” He finally brought his face up and was searching Cas’ eyes as if to see if that was the right thing to do, “Is that what you were talking about?”

Cas wordlessly nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Dean croaked, trying to straighten his face without success, “And that’s why I hurt you more…and you kept helping anyway, right?”

Again he nodded.

“I wanna make this right, we can start over. If you want to that is, and if you don’t. That’s okay, because God knows I got years and years of shit to clean up and make things right with you. I’ve been so stupid. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you, but it was either not the right time or I just…fuck, I was scared. And that’s my fault not yours.”

“Dean,” Cas breathed.

“I love you Cas, and I did this to you, all of this, and I love you. How fucked up is that?”

Cas was shocked to see tears suddenly tumbling out of Dean’s too green eyes, “We can start over…” and now he was the one doing the kissing, this time he was tipping Dean’s head back for more access. Dean wasn’t lying to him, and it wasn’t just the tears, but Cas could feel the truth and validity of his words cascading across his grace.

Dean broke the kiss only to say quickly, “I’ll show you, I promise you Cas, it’s not just empty words,” and then he was devouring his mouth, arms snaking around his waist to draw him closer and tugging him forward. Cas finally uncrossed his legs as Dean eased them both to the couch, not once detaching their mouths. They kissed until their mouths were swollen and sore and Cas was resting his cheek to Dean’s chest taking deeper, calmer breaths.

Dean combed his dark hair with long, careful fingers, “This is all gonna change Cas, ya got that? I promise…and you kick my ass if you ever feel like this again.”

Cas nodded, and he wasn’t stupid, this wasn’t going to be fixed over a confession of love or first kisses. It would be a long road to recovery, but Cas was everything that was stubborn and that would be one of his strongest assets, one he’d never really lost amongst this mess that was his existence.

 

Sam returned to the living room, staying out of sight until he no longer heard voices. He couldn’t say he wasn’t shocked, but then he wasn’t surprised to find the two men wrapped around each other, out cold on the couch together. It both made Sam happy and sad. Happy that they’d finally admitted, whatever it was that they admitted to each other, and sad that Cas was this exhausted, this weakened, that he needed to sleep. Because he was out, snoring softly into Dean’s shirt. They should have forced him into bed and waited on him hand and foot. Because not only did he need it, he deserved it. He pulled the blanket off the back of the recliner and draped it over the two. Without meaning to he ran a hand affectionately through Cas’ messy hair, it was sticking in all directions like it used to, Cas sighed and with a stuttered breath fell deeper into sleep.

From now on things were going to get better, and Sam knew that he and Dean would both make damn sure it did.


	2. True To Their Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam do what they say and make Cas know that he's a part of their family. For real. No bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So by popular demand I wrote a second chapter to this, I DO hope ya'll like it. I LOVE it, it was fun to write and hit me right in the feels. Cas needs more love, it's so ridiculous at how much love he needs. Enjoy the fluff and sexiness!

Those first few weeks back, and after their long talk, Cas slept. A lot. To the point where Dean was getting concerned. But also it was a relief, as if Cas had finally found some kind of solace and was able to actually get some rest. Neither Sam or Dean knew how long it would be until his grace would be fully restored or up to par. They both had lingering thoughts that perhaps this would be the kind of thing that would finally make him human for good. Expelling the Devil had drained him completely. And apparently that meant lots of sleep and meals as well. True to their word, they waited on him hand and foot. As to sleep however, he would fall asleep in random places, sometimes even dozing off standing in the kitchen or talking to Sam in the library.

Sam exited the library, one book in hand, eyes on the text. He passed the laundry room and noticed, against the brilliantly white towels was Cas, clad in sweat pants that were too long, bare toes barely visible and one of Dean’s old band T’s. Sam could tell that he’d emptied the dryer, and apparently the warmth of the freshly clean towels was overwhelming and he’d simply laid against them and closed his eyes, and not just dozing, but completely conked out. He shook his head in frustration, wondering why in the hell Cas was even worrying about laundry. He set the book down outside the door and walked as soft footed as he could to Cas’ side, “Cas, hey buddy, wake up,” he spoke just above a whisper, worried he would startle him awake and he didn’t want that, “Cas?”

Cas made that adorable, deep in sleep snuffling noise and took a shuddering breath that only indicated he was falling deeper asleep.

So rolling his eyes and again, shaking his head, he scooped the angel up, careful not to jostle him too much and without any thought carried him into Dean’s room. That was where he was hibernating now a days anyway. He tucked him into bed, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders, affectionately passing a hand across his dark head which elicited a quiet groan. Suddenly Sam had an idea that had him smiling.

 

It was one afternoon, on a weekend, that Cas had said he was feeling particularly tired, they had intended going on a hunt, a vamp case in Wichita. They’d even had it all planned out, but dropped it as soon as Cas uttered the words “I’m afraid I cannot accompany you, I’m not yet strong enough…I’m still so tired”. Without a second thought the brothers sent the case to other hunters without hesitation. So here they were sprawled out on the couch in front of Netflix catching up on the original Star Trek series with Cas dozing on his chest and Dean continually thrumming fingers through his dark hair. Pretty soon, given the warm body above him, Dean was falling asleep too. That was until he heard Sam’s subdued tone, that had Dean cracking an eye open.

“Cas, hey, I need to show you somethin’”

“Hmm?” Cas exhaled, blurrily opening his eyes to the soft pressure on his shoulder.

“Trust me, it means you can go back to sleep,” Sam was gently urging him off the couch when Dean finally moved too.

Dean narrowed his clouded eyes, “Sammy, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just got done I wanna show him,” Sam answered.

“Show me what?” Cas asked, rubbing at his eyes, upright now.

“Just come on,” Sam was smiling in a ridiculously child-like way, hand carefully tugging Cas by his elbow down the hallway of the Bat cave.

They were one room across from Dean’s where Sam opened the door, “Surprise!”

Dean hid a laugh behind one hand at the way Sam was acting, in fact, he hadn’t acted like this since he _was_ a kid.

“What? What is it?” Cas’ voice was ever innocent, especially so when it was sleep clogged.

“It’s your room Cas, all to yourself, just you,” Sam explained, “Check it out.”

Cas moved around the room and noticed immediately several books he enjoyed set to shelves, the record player in one corner (the media he preferred) and the closet filled with clothes, “This is for me?” at the end of the room was a dresser lined with plants, a green light over head to warm and feed them. Cas moved closer to that particular dresser and ran his fingertips over the waxy flesh of the leaves.

“Of course it is, this is your home buddy, you’re not going anywhere,” Sam smiled.

Cas returned the favor with a smirk, but then a quick frown came into play, “Does this mean you no longer want me in your space?” he turned to Dean.  
            Dean’s smile faded quickly as well, “No Cas, no, we just wanted you to have your own…ya know…little haven…you get pissed at Sam or wanna slap me you have somewhere to go. We just thought, ya know, since you’ve been kind of distant from Heaven and all…you might want some space of your own. This is your home,” he repeated Sam’s words, “You need to know that you aren’t tethered to either one of us. That this is your place too, good or bad times.”

Cas’ eyes were watering over suddenly, too fast for Dean’s liking, “You truly mean this?”

“Should have done this three years ago Cas,” Sam said, “I know we never made it official, and we should have, this place has always been your home. We’re your home, you’re just as much of a brother to me as Dean is…you get that?”

Cas’ gaze found framed pictures of the three of them, he wasn’t even sure when these pictures were taken, and his eyes were spilling against his will, “I am equal to you?”

Sam’s brow furrowed, “You always were, but we sure did do a piss poor job of showing it. Castiel, you _are_ like a brother to me, and I’ll go to bat for you just like I do Dean. That’s why I did the room, I just wanted you to-oompf”

Cas’ arms were around him like a vice, and although they’d been awkward before in the hugging department this was anything but. Sam wrapped his arms around the much shorter man and held him close, “You’re not going anywhere I hope, I mean you can, but I hope you don’t.”

“No,” Cas shuddered, “I don’t wish to be anywhere else.”

Dean’s usual need to make some comment of ‘this is a girl moment’ was bubbling but he bit it back, letting his little brother and angel hug it out.

“Well, let’s check this out huh?” Dean said brightly, looping an arm around Cas’ waist, kissing him firmly against his temple.

After Sam gave the initial tour, that and proudly showing him the collection of Harry Potter books and decent TV he had mounted to the wall, Cas’ expression was dropping once more.

“You still tired? Wanna hit the hay? You really should eat first though, given that your mojo still isn’t up to par,” Dean murmured, lips in his messy hair.

“Tea would be nice, I’m not all that hungry,” Cas answered, leaning into the touch.

“Tea it is, and that honey you like, no one else touches it,” Dean laughed softly.

In typical Cas fashion, he cocked his head to one side, looking ever much like the adorable puppy he could be, “Why do you have it in the bunker then?”

Dean gave a kind of scoff, “Cause you like it Cas, even when you’re a bad ass angel on a mission you still like your tea, and that raw honey stuff. Sam goes to those organic markets and picked some up. We’ve even dubbed it ‘Cas’ visiting honey, hopefully you’ll be around long enough to use it up, huh?”

Cas gave a rare smile, although barely there, “Thank you Dean.”

And that right there made Dean’s heart break, that Cas was thanking him over _honey_ of all things. He willed his mouth to work but couldn’t, so he merely kissed Cas on the lips, “I’ll make you your tea, then we’re going back to bed. You’re not going anywhere until you have pink in your cheeks.”

Dean was good to his word, made tea, but Cas wanted to go back to bed. He filled up the breakfast tray and drug it into Cas’ new room. They sat together on the bed watching TV for a long period of time as Cas drained the cup.

Dean noticed Cas fidgeting, “Hey, what’s up?”

“I-I do not want to upset Sam…I do like this room but I…”  
            “What Cas?”

“I feel more comfortable in your room, it smells like you and feels like you…I know that’s probably ridiculous…”

Dean managed not to both blush and roll his eyes, he got out of bed and reached out a hand, “That’s not ridiculous, come on, let’s go to bed. You wanna pick the movie?”

“Really?”

“Well yeah,”

Cas ended up picking Lord of the Rings, and again couldn’t seem to sit still, rolling his shoulders and straightening his back more than once.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked, eyes moving from the screen to Cas’ face.

“I know I have been in bed much more than I should have. I’m not use to it. I’m achy because of it, if only this exhaustion would pass,” he sighed in obvious irritation.

“I can do somethin’ about that, lay down on your stomach, head towards the end of the bed so you can keep watchin’. Oh wait, take your shirt off,” he said, “I’ll be right back.”

“Dean, why?” Cas narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Just trust me babe,” the endearment slipped with ease, and Cas did as told, pulling the over-sized shirt from his torso and laid back to the bed as Dean asked and balanced his chin on his folded arms.

Dean returned to the bedroom with a bottle of lotion, closed the door behind him. Then he was back on the bed and carefully swung a leg over Cas’ legs to straddle the back of his thighs. Cas heard the click of the bottle and was about to ask ‘what’ again when both of Dean’s thumb’s tracked up the curve of his spine, palms splayed out to add pressure along with the warm lotion. Then both sets of fingertips were kneading into the taut and aching muscles of his shoulders, thumbs again in play working between the sinew of wound tight muscle. He groaned, near obscenely, forehead falling against his arms, unconsciously giving access to his neck. Of which Dean did not ignore, squeezing the base of his neck in slow, firm circles.

“That feel okay?”

“Oh, it’s wonderful,” Cas moaned, mouth muffled in the sheet, and it was, he’d never been touched in such a way. Never. He didn’t even know this kind of touch existed.

God, Dean thought, he should have been doing this ages ago. How much more chill would Cas be if he had? About a lot of things. Admitting his feelings, telling him right away, he should have said ‘I love you’ in that crypt, Christ, how long had that been? Should have told him before that when he revealed the stashed trench coat in the Impala. But no, he hadn’t had the balls to do it. He felt his chest clench up and was brought out of his thoughts with the soft noises Cas was making in response to his touch. Sounds Dean had never heard before. He felt the urgent need to express everything he was feeling through touch. And that’s what he would do, if Cas allowed it. he tracked his spine up and down countless times until Cas was a puddle beneath him.

Second run up his spine he leaned forward and pressed lips to the dip in the back of Cas’ neck, and made a slow path of gentle kisses down the muscles he’d rendered loose and pliant. Cas made a kind of whimpering noise, and Dean could feel he wanted to turn on his back so he released the weight on his thighs and soon enough was eye to eye with oceans of blue. And then they were kissing, slow and lazy-like at first. Dean leaned closer to box his arms around Cas’ head, delivering kiss after sweet kiss to his warm, pliant mouth. They’d kissed some since their talk days ago, hugs yes, caresses, but nothing truly heated. This was heading in that direction.        Heat.

Cas moaned into his mouth which only spurred his advances, his hands roaming down the slim, muscled torso, fingertips settling on his sharp hipbones, thumbs spinning circles in the dips he found.

“Cas, I love you, and if you’ll let me I’ll show you,”

Cas’ pupils were blown, nearly swallowing up the blue, he nodded, “I love you too, for so long I’ve loved you.”

Dean traced his nose around Cas’ before claiming his mouth once more, for a few moments before he kissed one cheek, then the other, his forehead, dotting kisses from one ear over his jaw line to the other ear. He lingered on that spot, sucking gently that kept Cas panting. He painted his throat with his lips, every now and then his tongue darting out and making small, damp paths all the way down to one nipple taking it into his mouth while fingers toyed with the other.

And it made Dean’s heart leap to feel Cas writhing in all the right ways beneath him, he continued down lower, kissing his sternum, down to his belly button giving gentle nips around the soft flesh there, even dipping his tongue into the crevice. Cas gave a huff at that, eyes squeeze tightly shut, he gave some kind of yelp when Dean licked the thin flesh below his navel and blew short breaths on the wet path which shot a million goosebumps across the expanse of Cas’ skin. Dean shimmied the sweat pants lower to kiss those sharp hipbones that he had been dying to explore for ages now, he kissed the peaks of them, the valleys below, nose bumping against the bone and tender flesh every now and then. His eyes moved up a fraction to gauge Cas’ reaction, and it was perfect, eyes still slammed shut, and hands tangled in his own hair.

“Can I take these off?” he hooked both thumbs beneath the cloth, paused, and when Cas shakily nodded he ridded him of those, leaving him in boxers. His own, he discovered, he wasn’t sure why that was hot, but goddamn it was. He continued his path of adoration, kissing the thin fabric of the boxers, well aware of the hardness there and Cas yelped when he actually brushed lips over the head of his penis with careful pressure, just enough pressure. He grazed his lips over the inside of Cas’ thighs, gliding his tongue from one knee, up the inner thigh back to the crease of Cas’ groin.

“D-Dean…”

“I should have done this ages ago Cas, shown you how important you are, how precious you are, how beautiful. Should have so long ago and I didn’t, but I’m showing you now. It’ll take more than once, a thousand times over if you’ll let me, but I love you, I’m gonna show you how much I love you.”

Cas’ voice turned watery, “Dean I…I love you too…”

Dean wet his lips before kissing Cas again, brushing his tongue against his, “You’re so precious and you have no idea. You’re my everything, you’re the good part of me, you’ve kept me solid, whole, grounded. You get that?”

Cas gulped and nodded, “You’ve kept me grounded as well.”

Dean placed a hand to his cheek, caressing a thumb across his lips, “Not like I should have, but that’s in the past, I’m gonna spend every fucking day making damn sure you know how much I love you. Got it angel?”

Again Cas nodded and couldn’t answer as Dean smothered him with more kisses, that same hand passed over his chest and waist and slipped beneath his boxers, finally, finally, taking Cas in his hand. Cas groaned. Loud, punched out of him like a hiccup. And when a firm thumb pressed and circled the bundle of nerves Cas arched against Dean’s hand.

“I’ve got you Cas, let go, this is for you, only you,” he kissed the pulse point of his throat, sucking lightly enough to leave a faint bruise, “Let go baby.”

And Cas’ arms were wound around Dean’s shoulders gripping tightly, “Y-Yes,” and he grunted with sweet release, panting harshly, face falling against Dean, whimpering once more as Dean worked him thoroughly through his orgasm. He fell back to the bed, back still arched, but slowly unhinging. He was vaguely aware that Dean was kissing him softly and hardly noticed that he was cleaning him up with his tossed T-shirt.

“Relaxed now?”

Cas finally opened his eyes, looking up at Dean’s grinning face, “Very much so, but…what about you?”

“I don’t matter right now, like I said, this was about you. You need more loosening up, and I think we found something that works,” he kissed his already swollen, plump lips, “Think you can sleep now? No more achiness?”

“Yes, I do believe so, and I am no longer aching,” Cas grinned in that rare toothy way, finally tired in a good way. If this was what Dean defined as ‘taking care of him’ he was more than happy to comply. Dean gathered him close, pulling the covers up over them, he unmuted the TV and tilted Cas’ chin just enough to deliver one last kiss.

Dean had to push away lingering thoughts of ‘why haven’t we’ve always done this?!’ he peppered kisses into Cas’ hair as they both dozed off in the flickering light of the television. Both finally sleeping soundly for the first time in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review I wrote this stuff for you guys!!!!


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